Whoa I guess this semester really kicked up a storm, granted for those unaware, 20 credits, being part of a technical association, and being a student athlete is tough. So tough that my grades are failing and apathy has overcome my thoughts. Shh! I have yet to tell this to anyone close to me beside the occasional “I’m so behind on work” bitching that I frequently mumble under my breath.
What can I say? I don’t have my rock anymore. I’d rather not delve into how this is all so weird now. Really though, nobody is here to go to hold my hand and pass the time in a quiet setting. So I blast my music, drive fast, walk too fast, avoid the study sessions, and occasionally hole myself up and watch a movie(only a 3/4 of it).
I have to admit, I have a serious case of movie-inducing-ADD. I know myself enough to know that I cannot finish a movie in one session. At the 3/4 mark, I start checking my phone, checking my mail, getting some food, and doing anything besides finishing the damn movie. If you were to strap me down(kinky I know) and force me to watch a whole movie I would start fidgeting and acting out way before the protagonist defeats the bad guy and saves the day. I’m working on it. Other things I’m working on.
My control issues. I mean this should be left for my therapist to deal with but here I am spilling this shit on my cough cough blog. Ok so I know I have to have control in most situations. I mean look at how I prioritize independance, which is essentially a way to gain control. But then look at the way I like to party, my past relationships, my small bouts of depression, and the occasional indecisive moment. In all of those situations, control is lost due to a subconscious need, somewhere in my weird little head I need to lose it, the control for periods of time. And these control issues are everywhere, I am just skimming the surface here. Are you following? Yea, you could argue that this is a weird complex or a balancing act in my mind.
In the physical aspect, I am losing weight. No, this week I decided I would eradicate the junk in my daily gorging festivities and focus on eating healthy.
So here is a short list of what was flushed down the toilet:
-soda
-chicken
-fried food (can’t eat it anymore)
-whole milk
-beef
-cookies/cupcakes
What is currently part of my diet:
-frozen veggies
-fruits: apples and bananas
-whole wheat pasta
-fat free milk with healthy/nutty/fiberlicious cereal
-eggs for breakfast
-protein drinks
-plenty of 100% real juice fruit juice
And can I say that for the first couple days my stomach was confused as hell. I will spare you the details but I will say that my digestive system must have assumed I was on a detoxing thing. I guess I took my stomach to rehab, and the pounds melted off. if only I started this in the beginning of the fall. Granted I lost plenty of weight; smaller stomach, smaller butt, tighter legs, tighter arms, skinnier face, and I could go on. All the while I have been eating whatever I want, this makes life easier.
So I have a final race tomorrow. This is the end of the racing season and crew for the rest of the fall. Was it worth it? Of course, the experience is completely worth it. 
